Home
by Sara Sidle Grissom
Summary: This fic deals with Sara's death after Living Doll and the service that follows.  complete


**Disclaimer: **Do not own them.  
**Warning:** Character Death  
**Author's Notes: **I wrote this in memory of my grandfather, who passed away six weeks ago after a three year long struggle with cancer. This fic deals with Sara's death after Living Doll and the service that follows.

**Home**

_Where did we come from, why are we here, where do we go when we die? What lies beyond and what laid before, is anything certain in life? You said life is too short, the here and the now and we're only given one shot. But could there be more, have I lived before, or could this be all that we've got? If I die tomorrow, I'd be alright because I believe, that after we're gone, the spirit carries on…_

- The Spirit Carries On by Dreamtheater

* * *

The steady beating of machines kept me awake as my thumb made slow circles over the top of her hand. Her skin felt flushed under my gentle touch, a silent reminder of her presence. The warmth of our bodies joined together where our skin connected. I gazed at her face, her eyes closed tightly and her mouth slightly agape to breathe as much air as she could. She didn't react to anything anymore, so I'd stopped talking eventually. Her mind didn't register it anymore, she was too tired. According to the doctor she was apathetic, unresponsive to any signs from the outside world. It would probably be better just to leave her be, to let her rest. I couldn't however. I'd ordered the team to leave, but I expected they were just out the door. We all knew it was just a matter of time.

Help had come too late, her body too weak for the treatment she needed. I knew her as a fighter, but not this time. She'd surrendered. It seemed as if she knew this was going to happen, and she'd come to peace with it. Just yesterday, she looked at me, tiredly, and spoke with a weak voice that she was ready to go home. I didn't know what she meant, or maybe I did, but just hoped I was wrong. She had come to term with the fact she wasn't going to leave this room, this bed anymore. It was done, she was done with it. She'd fought for her life when she first got here, but now, she was waiting to go home.

The Sara I once met was oblivious to the strength of faith. Faith was nothing more than emptiness in her dictionary. It was something people held on to when they had rough time. But in the end, it was nothing. How could there be something good with so many bad things in the world. However, she knew there was a place, there had to be. She didn't know what it was, but there had to be a good place, and now she was ready to go there. Home.

I was awakened from my thoughts by the strength of her hand. Slowly her fingers latched around mine as she squeezed gently, knowing I was here, because I had told her I would never let her go. Her hold on me softened and soon stopped. I knew by the steady beep she'd gone, she had left this world. "Welcome Home Sara," I whispered softly as I kissed her hand, my tears slowly dripping onto her skin.

* * *

The funeral was just as she would've wanted it to be. Privately. Her friends, co-workers and brother were the only ones present. The guys rode the coffin into the small church, as I followed them with her picture and a single white rose. White, she wanted the flowers to be white, a symbol for a new life. She wasn't a woman of tradition, therefore her coffin was simple, nothing extreme. I remember how we sat at home talking about these things, she insisted we'd know what the other would want. I wasn't ready to talk about it yet, we still had our lives before us, years to come. But after all, I was glad we did, for now I could prepare a service she would like.

I didn't hear the music being played, I didn't hear the people singing along with the songs as the organ played. The only thing I heard was her voice in my head, one sentence repeating itself eternally. _I want you to say something… _We'd talked about how difficult it was to write a piece and tell it to the people, but still we agreed that we'd want each other to do so. It had to be personal, a personal goodbye, not loving words from people who didn't know us.

_I want you to say something…_

When I heard my name being called out, I straightened my tie and slowly approached the front of the church. My feet felt heavy as they carried me up the few steps. I looked around at the sad faces and cleared my throat a bit, the lump not moving. "Sara wasn't a woman of words, but actions," I started, looking down at the few words I'd jotted down on a piece of crumbled paper. "She wasn't one to pretend either, if something wasn't right, she would do everything in her power to make it right. She was a strong woman who knew what she wanted from life… justice," I swallowed a little bit as my tears welled up. This wasn't right, this wasn't a personal note to Sara. "When she wanted something she wouldn't just back down, I've been a witness of that myself," I let out a small chuckle. "All those years I'd kept her out of my life, but I'm glad she finally got in, she taught me how to love… and I loved her. I still do," I whispered the last part. I couldn't continue, the personal words were too hard for me.

I paused for a moment before going on, "Sara had made a decision to write down all the wanted from this service, one of those things was the following. She wanted somebody to read the lyrics to one of her favourite songs," I took a deep breath. " i I'm already there, don't make a sound. I'm the beat in your heart, I'm the moonlight shining down, I'm the whisper in the wind and I'll be there till the end. When you feel the love that we share, I'm already there. We may be a thousand miles apart, but I'll be with you wherever you are. I'm already there, take a look around, I'm the sunshine in your hair, I'm the shadow on the ground, I'm the whisper in the wind, and I'll be there till the end. /i " I closed my eyes for a moment as I let the words absorb into my mind, my tears gently spilling onto my cheek. "I love you and welcome Home Sara," I whispered again, as I went back to my seat.

At the cemetery all the guests threw their white flower upon the coffin as it was slowly lowered into the cold ground. I didn't look how it descended, I couldn't. Instead I looked up to the sky, for that was where she was now. For a moment I thought I saw her face, projected in the sky and suddenly I realized why she didn't have any fear about dying. The spirit carried on, she lived there now. Home.

* * *

**Second Author's notes:** Lyrics used in this piece are from the song 'I'm already there' by Lonestar. All remaining errors are mine.


End file.
